There’s one Christmas lunch invite you definitely don’t want arriving this month and it reads: “Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor and Sarah Ferguson request the pleasure of your company at Royal Lodge….” We all have a relative we dread being sat by on December 25 as crackers bang, paper crowns pop on our heads and terrible jokes ask: “What does King Charles call his TV speech? The One show!”
Some Brits have an embarrassing uncle with a love of helicopters, golf and dodgy US financiers – others have a spend-happy auntie who left her kids cringing with some past ‘Texan toe-sucking’ exploits. But for Andrew and Fergie it’s their last Yuletide at Royal Lodge and the roast turkey will feel as dry as an East Anglian reservoir in August.
Reluctantly they are quitting the 30-room, seven-bedroom mansion leased from the Crown Estate at Windsor and Andrew’s official residence for 23 years. In 2026 Andrew is downsizing to rooms at the King-owned Sandringham Estate in Norfolk.
Meanwhile Fergie is rumoured to be considering quitting the UK for good and flying to Portugal. A whip round for a taxi to the airport to see her off shouldn’t be a problem.
This Christmas you would imagine the pair wanting to raise a glass to the old country pile and drown their sorrows over their ‘annus horribilis’ – that’s Latin for ‘horrible year’ and nothing to do with haemorrhoids.
They will also want to be with their children, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie, and their husbands and children. A last ‘York’ get-together at Windsor.
Andrew will be dreading the pressure from the US congressional investigation into Jeffrey Epstein while Fergie has her Epstein “supreme friend” email to regret.
But wouldn’t it be a masterstroke if King Charles had invitations drop on the doormat to Beatrice and Eugenie – welcoming them into their embrace this Christmas – to join Queen Camilla, William and Catherine and other ‘in the fold’ royals at Sandringham instead?
Andrew and Fergie not leaving Royal Lodge until after New Year has been a right royal result for King Charles and William, as it keeps the black sheep a three-hour car ride away during the festive season – and far from the media’s eyes.
It saves the King a heated discussion over why they would be excluded from joining the rest of the family on the traditional walk to the Christmas Day service at St Mary Magdalene Church on the estate – when the public wish the royals Merry Christmas.
It saves Andrew and Fergie shuffling sheepishly past prying eyes and gobby mouths firing quips about Epstein.
And it saves Princes George, Louis and Princess Charlotte cheekily asking Uncle Andy if he’ll take them to Woking Pizza Express on Boxing Day.
Let the ex-Yorks see their goose cooked at Royal Lodge bemoaning their rap sheet of immeasurable poor life choices – but let the King welcome Beatrice and Eugenie to Sandringham.
As any Victorian saw-bones will tell you about gangrene, you have to stop the rot somewhere – Andrew and Fergie can’t be ‘saved’ but the princesses can, if they stay smart.
The public bear Beatrice and Eugenie no ill-will, even sympathising with them to a degree as long as they don’t slip into making quick cash-grabs like ma and pa.
In time Brits will forget Andrew and Fergie – though not forgive – and all that will be left of the ‘Yorks’ will be the princesses.
Get them over for Christmas, manoeuvre them away from their parents in the eyes of the public – the sisters could well help cauterise this festering royal wound once and for all.