My gf and I watched a lot of Christmas Carol adaptations this year. We thought it was hilarious that in the text, Mr Dickens described his Ghost of Christmas Present as having a "capacious breast." I therefore decided to waste my Christmas morning rating each version by this ridiculous metric and put it all in a slideshow for your viewing pleasure.
Here's (most of) the text I used to make it if that's helpful to anyone:
Spirited (2022, AppleTV)
– 0/10
– He was in the whole movie and we saw NO BREAST
– Mr Ferrell we know you have chest hair, could've given us SOMETHING
– Overall, the movie needed a braver editor imo
Scrooge & Marley (2022, Prime Video)
– 1/10
– Covered to the neck??? Where's the breast
– She's some kind of cabaret performer? In a gay bar? So that's fun I guess
– Not all gay art can be good, unfortunately
The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992, Disney+)
– 1/10
– Breastless but forgivable because it was a guy in a muppet suit
– Only real note in an otherwise perfect adaptation
The Man Who Invented Christmas (2017, whatever they're calling HBO these days)
– 2/10
– Perhaps covered by lustrous beard?
– Pretty cute overall, I liked that it wasn't cynical like some other metas
A Christmas Carol (2019, Disney+)
– 3/10
– They just repurposed the sister as one of the ghosts? I don't think she even changed
– Worst adaptation we watched, it was THREE HOURS LONG
– Bonus frame of the school scene, utterly unhinged
Mickey's Christmas Carol (1983, Disney+)
– 4/10
– Costume was faithful but the breast was quite modest
– Short and cute special, good for small attention spans
Scrooged (1988, Prime Video)
– 7/10
– Utterly inaccurate costuming but bonus points for body glitter
– We love Carol Kane
– We do not love Bill Murray, overall just a mean-spirited film
A Christmas Carol (1938, whatever they're calling HBO these days)
– 7/10
– Faithful costume but could use more breast
– Predates the second World War, times were different
– Oldest film we watched, holds up well
A Christmas Carol (1984, Disney+)
– 8/10
– Majestic '80s chest exhibition
– My personal favorite Christmas Present (shitty photo doesn't do it justice)
Disney's A Christmas Carol (2009, Disney+)
– 9/10
– Look at that animated THATCH
– Movie was hideous but the breast was capacious
The Original Book's Illustration (1843, by John Leech)
– 10/10
– FUCK YES THIS IS WHAT CHARLIE ORDERED
– Capaciousness unmatched
– Read the story, it's public domain and not very long!
Posted by emilia_yay