By Robert Scucci
| Published 16 seconds ago
If you want to be humbled by decades worth of unhinged creativity that somehow slipped past your radar, I strongly advise firing up Tubi at least once a week. This is not a paid ad, but if you can get me in contact with the head of programming over there, I’d love to send them an Edible Arrangement for never failing to entertain me with hidden gems like 2010’s Beyond the Black Rainbow, and unhinged sci-fi horror comedy neo-noir mystery thrillers like 1986’s Eat and Run. If that sounds like a mouthful, wait until you hear what this punisher is about.
This movie only showcases a handful of recurring gags, and they’re all run into the ground. The primary antagonist is a 400-pound humanoid alien who only eats Italian people. Our hero is a hapless detective who narrates his life out loud in hard-boiled private dick fashion. His boss is always snacking and yelling, and he’s dating a judge with a habit of releasing dangerous criminals from prison, noticing the uptick in murders, and failing to connect the dots. It all plays out like a second-rate Police Squad, but it’s still charming despite its shortcomings.
This Guy’s A Fool For Gabagool!
Eat and Run keeps things simple, and it’s best not to think about it too much while watching. When morbidly obese Murray Creature (R.L. Ryan) inexplicably arrives on Earth, he immediately takes to hitchhiking. He gets picked up by an Italian merchant, who he then eats. We never actually see Murray eating, though. He smiles, reveals his pointy teeth, the camera zooms in on his face, then on his victim’s, and it cuts to him spitting out what’s left, usually shirt buttons.
Meanwhile, Detective Mickey McSorely (Ron Silver), who compulsively narrates his life in real time, is getting chewed out by his Captain (John J. Fleming). The Captain, no matter the time of day, is always pigging out at his desk, and this gag escalates throughout the film. First he’s digging into ice cream cake, and by the end he’s berating a delivery boy for bringing a six-layer cake when he clearly asked for a seven layer cake.
When dozens of Italian men from competing crime families go missing, Mickey takes the case, eventually leading him to Murray, though he can never catch him in the act. He sets up elaborate sting operations in between romantic rendezvous with Judge Cheryl Cohen (Sharon Schlarth), whose record on the bench is questionable at best, and who constantly excuses herself after sex so she can take matters of self gratification into her own hands. Mickey, the great detective that he is, remains completely oblivious to his shortcomings on this front.
When our Italian-eating antagonist is finally caught and cross-examined, his lawyer has him dress like a Boy Scout to appear innocent. This only complicates things further when he’s granted bail and his buffet-style rampage continues, and becomes smitten with Cheryl.
This Shouldn’t Be A Movie
The above scenarios are stretched to absurdity in Eat and Run, repeating the same bits over and over, escalating just enough each time until the film reaches its climax. It reminds me of most SNL-based movies that do the exact same thing. Think 1994’s It’s Pat, but instead of endless jokes about androgyny, it’s about a fat guy eating mobsters.
While it sounds like I hated Eat and Run, I actually had a good time with it. At 85 minutes, it feels like writer-director Christopher Hart was padding the runtime to reach feature length by overworking the gags, but I can’t help but wonder how much better it would be if trimmed down to sitcom-episode length, or even a series of recurring skits.
I’ve always been a sucker for neo-noir narration, so every time Mickey narrates, only for the camera to pull back and reveal he’s been talking out loud in a room full of people, I let out a hearty chuckle. It’s stupid, but relatable. The number of times I think I’m thinking to myself while puttering around the house, only for my family to ask what the hell I’m talking about, is high enough that I felt seen.
Eat and Run is totally stupid, built on a razor-thin premise, and runs its gags into the ground before the first act is over. It’s also really funny, not because those things make it funny on their own, but because the humor somehow loops back around and works anyway.
As of this writing, Eat and Run is streaming for free on Tubi.