Like the other doulas we spoke to, Clare believes people today have “lost a lot of knowledge about ordinary death”. She says most people’s idea of death comes from dramatic scenes in films or a sudden death.
By explaining the physical process of dying in as much detail as people want, doulas help remove fear, she adds, unlocking time that could be spent more meaningfully.
For example, Parker explains, when people are dying their body temperature and breathing changes.
“At the end there can be a death rattle – a sound of hard breathing that can be frightening for people in the room,” she says.
“If you’ve already told them to expect it, it can feel easier.”
Soul midwife Krista Hughes, who also works at cancer charity the Mulberry Centre, says developing a strong bond with the person who is dying is important to allow them to live out their final moments as they wish.
“When someone is born they are born into loving hands,” Hughes says, “and we hope they are able to die into loving hands.”
Hughes recalls a person who wanted to die in a garden but was unable to due to the medical intervention needed. She recreated an imaginary garden for them by bringing in pictures and lavender oil, playing the sound of birdsong and describing a walk through lavender fields.
End-of-life doulas often provide support even beyond death. Ball says she’s visited funeral homes on behalf of families to relay messages and has helped organise memorial services.
Others spend time in the community raising awareness, including holding death cafes to “open up conversations” over tea and cake.