Eat The Tariffs | Trump Attacks Taylor Swift, Threatens Springsteen | “Sesame Street” Saved

Eat The Tariffs | Trump Attacks Taylor Swift, Threatens Springsteen | “Sesame Street” Saved

Welcome. Please have a seat, everybody. Welcome. Welcome to the late show. That’s exciting. That is nice. Yes, ma’am. Right there. I’m your host, Steven Colbear. I hope you all had a good weekend. Hope you all had a good weekend. Uh the president spent it settling back in at the White House after his M East all you can bribe buffet. And oh man, did you see he just he just loved it over there. He was having such a good time with the princes and the palaces and the marble and the gold and uh and the special souvenir he really wants to bring home. obedience to leaders on punishment of death because evidently evidently because he spent this beautiful weekend viciously attacking any who dare defy him, including Walmart, which recently and quite reasonably called his tariffs too high and announced that they will raise prices as a result. Which means which means I know which means it’s going to cost you a lot more when you run out for milk, one Goodyear tire, and a t-shirt that says shrek yourself before you wreck yourself. All right, don’t do it. Be careful. Trump didn’t like uh Walmart accurately describing how he has personally affected your pocketbook. So the president posted Walmart should stop trying to blame tariffs as the reason for raising prices throughout the chain. They should, as is said, eat the tariffs. Yes. No, folks. As is said, I make a mess, you eat it. That’s how the world works. That’s how the Which reminds me, JD, there’s some hot dogs stuck in my golf cleat. Get over here with your tongue and a positive attitude. It’s not just uh it’s not just Walmart. Dear Leader is also trying to intimidate another important sector of American economy, our precious celebrities. Cuz on Friday, out of nowhere, Trump posted, “Has anyone noticed that since I said I hate Taylor Swift, she’s no longer hot?” Wow. Wow. [Laughter] I’m beginning to understand why he likes having a mob. First of all, sir, keep my best friend Taylor Swift’s name out. Out of your filthy nugget hole. Second, it’s possible, hear me out, it’s possible people are talking about her a little less these days because her 149 date eras tour ended 6 months ago. Have you noticed how she hasn’t gone to Kansas City Chiefs games since February? Am I the only one? Also, Taylor hasn’t gotten a single Christmas present all spring. Santa hates you, Tay Tay. By the way, I fired Santa and Marco Rubio will be serving as interim Saint Nick. And that that right there was was just that was just a a warm-up because next Trump went after Bruce Springsteen after [Applause] [Music] after the boss called Trump corrupt, incompetent, and treasonous at a concert in Manchester, England. Trump Trump did not appreciate Springsteen’s constructive criticism, posting, “I see that highly overrated Bruce Springsteen goes to a foreign country to speak badly about the president of the United States. Never liked him. Never liked his music or his radical left politics. And importantly, he’s not a talented guy.” What do you What do you What do you I don’t understand. What are you doing? What are you doing? Attacking Bruce is like attacking America itself. I haven’t seen a politician be this tonedeaf since Herbert Hoover’s campaign slogan, apple pie sucks. And so does your mom. Yeah. Trump didn’t work out well for him. Trump finished up with a thread. This dried out prune of a rocker. His skin is all atrophied. Ought to keep his mouth shut until he gets back into the country. That’s just standard fair. Then we’ll all see how it goes for [Music] him. Pretty bold. No, they did it first. You don’t have to do it now. Pretty bold to say someone else’s skin is atrophied when your own complexion can best be described as tandoori catchers mitts. Come on. Then I got something in there. Then this morning, Trump expanded his attack on the A-listers, posting this madeup accusation. According to news reports, Beyonce was paid $11 million to walk onto a stage and quickly endorse Kamla. This is an illegal election scam. At the highest level, it is an illegal campaign contribution. Bruce Springsteen, Oprah Bono, and perhaps many others have a lot of explaining to do. That is chilling. And you know right now some agent in Hollywood is getting this phone call. Why am I not on Trump’s list? Why does Why does Oprah get sent to all the good goologs? Listen, I I went to Giuliard. Why can’t I get arrested in this town? Some of Trump’s targets are shaking it off. For instance, few weeks back, uh Donald Trump signed an executive order cancelling all government funding for PBS. And as a result, Sesame Street laid off about 20% of its staff this year. Yeah. On top of that, they lost some of their biggest sponsors to other platforms. The letter D is now doing targeted ads on Only Fans. Yeah. Wow. It starts off tasteful and then it gets dark. Good news today. Sesame Street is saved thanks to a new streaming deal with Netflix. Great work, Netflix. All is forgiven. Good for Netflix. I can’t wait to see collabs like Grover Things, Big Burggerton, and Snuffaros. Hey. Hey bird. Hey bird. I don’t exist. And if you say anything to the cops, you won’t either. Hold on. Hold on. Tom, just quick. Did that money Did the money come in? Did the Did the guy drop the thing at the place where I said to drop off the money? Okay. What else is going on? Trump uh Trump tries to dominate everyone in the mold of rulers like Turkeykey’s President Erdogan. Here’s Erdogan greeting French President Macron. Take a look at how how Erdogan tries to win the handshake. What the what is what is happening? Trump’s uh TV ideas are also out of the finger grab and strongman playbook because reportedly the Department of Homeland Security is considering a reality show where immigrants compete for citizenship. Okay. All right. Calm down. I know that sounds dystopian, but to be fair, that’s how citizenship has always worked. In fact, my great-grandfather actually won the first season of So You Think You Can Dig the Eerie Canal? Thank you. Thank you, Andrew Edward Chuck. This uh this show is the brainchild of a Canadian-B born writer and producer who was behind A&E’s Duck Dynasty named Rob Worof. Wait, a Canadian came up with this idea for America? Well, I guess some immigrants really do make this country worse off. Show cancel. Jim. Jim, hold on. Wait, Jim. I’m sorry, Jim. I thought we talked about this graphic last week. Yes, we did. Okay. All right. Worse off went on CNN to explain his vision. My dream is to do every episode in a different state where we will celebrate that state. Uh the challenges would be like if we’re in New York, we’re doing a pizza making challenge. And if we’re in Florida, we’re doing a rocket launching challenge. If we’re in California, we’re doing a gold rush challenge. And if we’re in Nebraska, we’re doing Nebraska things, which I think is is I I think it’s is being [Laughter] corn. I don’t know. I I wasn’t born here. I don’t know. Now, this sounds like a cynical ploy to exploit immigrants for entertainment, but don’t worry because Worse says it’s definitely not that. Anybody with half a brain with a critical mind thinking about this show for five seconds would of course conclude that it’s not the Hunger Games. Yeah. Yeah. And anyone who thought about it for six seconds would say, “Oh, wait. No, this this is the Hunger Games.” Speaking of uh Hunger Games, Hunger Games. Oh, speaking of uh US citizens, the Pope this Sunday, this Sunday, this Sunday, uh, Pope Leo delivered his inaugural mass at the Vatican where he called for unity and a missionary spirit because, as Catholics know, any spirit other than missionary is a sin. And And we recently learned the Pope is a servant of God with a rock and bod because prior to the papacy, Leo trained regularly in the gym near the Vatican, often working out multiple times a week. No doubt inspired. No doubt inspired by the Systeine Chapel fresco of the angel Gabriel getting ripped on a bow flex. Of course, according to the Pope’s former trainer, the Holy Father was a client like any other, and he behaved like all the clients at the gym. So, he also didn’t wipe down the elliptical when he was done. Sounds like everyone was a fan of the pontiff because the founder of the gym praised the Pope’s ability to combine spirituality and sports training. Yes. And that combination of spirituality and sports training is at the heart of the hottest exercise trend, CrossFit. Terrible joke. Jim. Jim. No, wait. Jim. Jim. Is Is that the graphic that was supposed to go up? I don’t think so. Then who made it? It’s Andrew in graphics. Joe, we’ve worked together for 20 years. I thought we were friends. I’ve only ever considered us colleagues at best. Okay, that hurts. Jim. Jim, what about you and me? We’re We’re really friends, right? Uh, we’re looking into it.

WalMart is passing the cost of President Trump’s tariffs along to consumers, the president lashed out at celebrities for not supporting him, and “Sesame Street” will now be produced by Netflix.

#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue #SesameStreet #BruceSpringsteen #Beyoncé #TaylorSwift #PresidentTrump #ThePope #PopeLeoXIV #StephenColbert #TheLateShow

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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015.