Born in London, Seann Walsh, 40, began doing standup in 2006. He was on Strictly Come Dancing in 2018 and I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here! in 2022. His podcast is Class Clown and he co-hosts Oh My Dog! (with Jack Dee) and What’s Upset You Now? His tour, This Is Torture, starts on 13 February. He lives in London with his partner and two children.
What is your earliest memory?
My dad had loads of friends round, all smoking heroin and singing me Happy Birthday. I was three or four.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Outside my very close-knit group of friends, socially I’m terrible.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Certainty. I also can’t stand it when someone calls you and then says, “Wait, I need to put my headphones in.”
What was your most embarrassing moment?
At school, I got my head stuck in a balustrade on the stairs at lunchtime. I had pupils laughing at me, parents laughing at me, teachers laughing at me and eventually, at the end of the day, the fire brigade laughing at me.
Describe yourself in three words
Enthusiastic, chaotic, bungling.
What would your superpower be?
To have read all of the books.
What makes you unhappy?
Bad gigs.
If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
Shame.
Who is your celebrity crush?
Drew Barrymore in The Wedding Singer.
What do you most dislike about your appearance?
General puffiness and looking knackered. I don’t even drink and people think I’m hungover all the time but I’m not, I’m just alive.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
Jack Dee, because he would hate having to do that.
What is your most unappealing habit?
According to the people closest to me, I will start a sentence and then not say anything for quite some time.
What scares you about getting older?
That I’m going to start commenting “Wow” under AI images I think are real.
What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A comedian or the guy who drives the little truck around airports that takes old ladies to their gate.
What is the worst thing anyone’s said to you?
“What is Seann Walsh and how do we make it die?” It was online, thankfully. It wasn’t in Sainsbury’s.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Watching wrestling.
To whom would you most like to say sorry and why?
I did say sorry to my mum, for being the way I was when I was a teenager. You become a parent and go, “Oh my God, this is what they were doing.”
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Ghostbusters.
What does love feel like?
Finding your phone.
What is the worst job you’ve done?
I got sacked from TK Maxx for falling asleep under the coats.
What would you like to leave your children?
A house in west London.
What is the closest you’ve ever come to death?
When I was about two, I accidentally knocked a boiled kettle on myself. I am scarred, in many ways, from that.
How often do you have sex?
It’s just constant; I am having it now.