I have never seen anyone articulate that whole process so accurately. That was like she reached into my brain and described me. Wild.
buzzfeed_sucks on
Iām *very* similar. Itās been a work in progress during therapy for years.
And itās true, itās unfair to both you, and the people around you.
Iām constantly frustrated myself because I feel like I make such an effort for others, but donāt get that back. But thatās my fault! I never say what I want or advocate for myself. And people arenāt mind readers.
Itās just a very hard habit to break.
onlyeveryotherday on
This is a great network. I think it’s super important to have open therapy so other people can relate and it will help them. Personally I would want this to be kept confidential but I’m glad that there’s a network out there for people to have such an open network like this.
CurrentExcellent1225 on
Iāve been the same way my whole life
And I always had such a bad physical reaction to times I couldnāt please everyone or Iād feel ārejectedā because I disagreed with someone and vocalized it and got terrified of their reaction. It made my heart drop and hurt, literally.
Iāve been working hard on changing it which makes me feel like Iām too opinionated now, too demanding, etc etc. But hopefully itāll get better.
derppherppp on
Iām like this by default too so much so I get nauseous from anxiety. I feel so guilty in the moment but end up so mad at myself if I just accept the situation. It was very hard engrained in me growing up to be polite and I HATE IT. Iāve been trying to work on it lately and I swear all Iāve done is flip to the other extreme where I feel like Iām too mean when I try to assert myself. I canāt win!
Large-Mix-4638 on
Wow this actually spoke so much to me. Is there any way we can view/watch the whole discussion? I couldnāt find it on his podcast!
Itstimeforcookies19 on
Kristen Bell is not my favorite, usually for over sharing, but I appreciate it here. It always feels nice to have something you struggle with be addressed publicly to help you realize others struggle too.
My people pleasing was identified in couples therapy. I guess on some level I knew that I was a people pleaser but having it identified felt so negative to me. Even though it largely made me a victim in my marriage it made me feel like I was The Who had done something wrong. Felt shameful I guess. Itās been a real journey not people please. I still do of course. Not like Iām cured or anything. But Iām better. Being in perimenopause makes it somewhat easier because you lose so much tolerance for peopleās everyday bs that pleasing in the last thing you are capable of. The one good peri symptom I guess š
The worst is realizing that my 12 year old daughter has people pleasing tendencies. I for sure learned it from my own mom so no wonder my daughter learned it from me. Iāve been trying so hard to undo any damage Iāve caused her in this regard. Teaching her to be empathetic to people but also that itās ok for her to have her needs and serve those needs. I hate I passed this on to her.
Correct_Village6950 on
anyone who says “you’re an empath” is a scammer/delusional
SnooRobots8901 on
That’s why she married the most displeasing man in the world
Our need for authenticity conflicts head on with our need for belonging. Part of people pleasing is simply because you want to belong and youāve likely had experiences in your past where you were rejected for speaking your truth.
demi_bralette on
I don’t like this framing of “people pleasing is selfish.” I get what he means and I do agree a little but we need to bring more attention to fawning, which is one of the trauma responses like fight, flight, or freeze. Furthermore, saying someone is like that because they’re “an empath” is disingenuous at best and dangerous pseudo-science at worst. If you are a people pleaser I recommend the book Fawning by Dr. Ingrid Clayton. Warning: this book is EXTREMELY emotional to read if you do any sort of people pleasing but I think it’s essential reading for anyone who does. I’ve read it and of course I can’t say it cured my fawning but it certainly has made me much more aware of it, which makes it easier to catch in the moment.
15 Comments
I have never seen anyone articulate that whole process so accurately. That was like she reached into my brain and described me. Wild.
Iām *very* similar. Itās been a work in progress during therapy for years.
And itās true, itās unfair to both you, and the people around you.
Iām constantly frustrated myself because I feel like I make such an effort for others, but donāt get that back. But thatās my fault! I never say what I want or advocate for myself. And people arenāt mind readers.
Itās just a very hard habit to break.
This is a great network. I think it’s super important to have open therapy so other people can relate and it will help them. Personally I would want this to be kept confidential but I’m glad that there’s a network out there for people to have such an open network like this.
Iāve been the same way my whole life
And I always had such a bad physical reaction to times I couldnāt please everyone or Iād feel ārejectedā because I disagreed with someone and vocalized it and got terrified of their reaction. It made my heart drop and hurt, literally.
Iāve been working hard on changing it which makes me feel like Iām too opinionated now, too demanding, etc etc. But hopefully itāll get better.
Iām like this by default too so much so I get nauseous from anxiety. I feel so guilty in the moment but end up so mad at myself if I just accept the situation. It was very hard engrained in me growing up to be polite and I HATE IT. Iāve been trying to work on it lately and I swear all Iāve done is flip to the other extreme where I feel like Iām too mean when I try to assert myself. I canāt win!
Wow this actually spoke so much to me. Is there any way we can view/watch the whole discussion? I couldnāt find it on his podcast!
Kristen Bell is not my favorite, usually for over sharing, but I appreciate it here. It always feels nice to have something you struggle with be addressed publicly to help you realize others struggle too.
My people pleasing was identified in couples therapy. I guess on some level I knew that I was a people pleaser but having it identified felt so negative to me. Even though it largely made me a victim in my marriage it made me feel like I was The Who had done something wrong. Felt shameful I guess. Itās been a real journey not people please. I still do of course. Not like Iām cured or anything. But Iām better. Being in perimenopause makes it somewhat easier because you lose so much tolerance for peopleās everyday bs that pleasing in the last thing you are capable of. The one good peri symptom I guess š
The worst is realizing that my 12 year old daughter has people pleasing tendencies. I for sure learned it from my own mom so no wonder my daughter learned it from me. Iāve been trying so hard to undo any damage Iāve caused her in this regard. Teaching her to be empathetic to people but also that itās ok for her to have her needs and serve those needs. I hate I passed this on to her.
anyone who says “you’re an empath” is a scammer/delusional
That’s why she married the most displeasing man in the world
I don’t like people-pleasing.
Yeah, i know someone else that is like that too
https://i.redd.it/km6kglzsblwg1.gif
Our need for authenticity conflicts head on with our need for belonging. Part of people pleasing is simply because you want to belong and youāve likely had experiences in your past where you were rejected for speaking your truth.
I don’t like this framing of “people pleasing is selfish.” I get what he means and I do agree a little but we need to bring more attention to fawning, which is one of the trauma responses like fight, flight, or freeze. Furthermore, saying someone is like that because they’re “an empath” is disingenuous at best and dangerous pseudo-science at worst. If you are a people pleaser I recommend the book Fawning by Dr. Ingrid Clayton. Warning: this book is EXTREMELY emotional to read if you do any sort of people pleasing but I think it’s essential reading for anyone who does. I’ve read it and of course I can’t say it cured my fawning but it certainly has made me much more aware of it, which makes it easier to catch in the moment.
This is the most relatable I have ever found her.