ARIANA GRANDE: PSYCHOLOGY OF A MISTRESS, HOMEWRECKER & SIDE CHICK! | Shallon Lester

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💜About Shallon Lester💜
CELEB GOSSIP AND LOVE LESSONS!

Got a love, dating or friendship question? You’ve come to the right place! I’m Shallon Lester, a two-time published author, NYC magazine editor and star of Howcast’s viral kissing videos. I spill the tea on celebs like Kylie Jenner, the Kardashians, Beyonce, Shawn Mendes, Justin Bieber, Hailey Baldwin, Rihanna and more, breaking down their relationships, scandals and psychology to see what lessons WE can learn, and give you no-nonsense advice and real-world tips on everything from dating apps and players, to family and friends!

Welcome back shallow Gators today we are going to talk about Ariana Grande going more public with her SpongeBob boyfriend who looks like an orange paint swatch just every shade of orange why are his teeth and his skin the same color why are his hair and his um outfits the same

I just there’s a lot going more public with that guy Ethan Slater cool name like hot guy in an 80s movie name I’m Ethan Slater and you know what Britney I skateboard like that’s the name of that guy but this is the name of that guy so

Here we are we’re going to talk about what’s going on because Ariana posted this like weird caption that’s like literally just one long sub tweet and it’s very vague and victim it’s victim it’s victim narrative saying she feels very very misunderstood this last year very misunderstood girl girl come on because obviously I

Mean not obviously you might have a life and you don’t care about celebrities honestly that’s so amazing for you truly don’t change it if you know anything about what’s going on with Ariana you know she’s kind of a home wrecker and he’s a home wrecker too so both of these

People SpongeBob and Ariana who is now like the eyebrowless Wonder I just have to look at this picture what in the gollum is going on here they both look like goblins but like breeds of goblins and she is a beautiful girl he is she is a beautiful girl and I just

Don’t there’s like something wrong here is it the eyebrows we’ll get into it but they were both married when they met on the set of the wicked movie and now they are both divorced and they are with one another is this an example of hey love conquering all and people taking control

Of their happiness and realizing that they’re not happy and turns out they meet their soulmate and it’s kind of messy is that what this is a case of and we’ve talked about them before but today I want to do a really deep dive into the psychology of a home wrecker what makes

A mistress I’m going to tell you about it I’m going to tell you what makes someone cheat and how that informs a mistress personality because you know what girl you might not be in that position right now or maybe you have been in the past I have I’ve been

Another woman not to someone who was married but like you know in college and someone had a girlfriend whatever whatever and it is a very toxic mind space to inhabit for very long but sometimes life really is just kind of messy we’re going to get into it

But before we do just want to remind you guys that we are talking all things glow up and New Year’s resolutions and some pep talks over on my Instagram head over there Shon XO I’m giving you some little Snippets every day about how to glow up in terms of your body your confidence

Your boundaries how to be more evil how to be more glamorous and if you want some deep Dives on those things you’re like no I need a little bit more of this join the shalant trage we are EXP expanding on all of those things on our little fan group here on the internet

You get five bonus videos a week we’re doing things like how to be more of a sociopath and dial up evil to make it work for you how to completely change the kind of guys that you’re dating and totally Branch out and sort of glow up your dating standards and your dating

Habits plus a whole bunch of other stuff 18 different group chats to keep each other accountable share our New Year’s resolutions share love and laughter and stories and advice and all this stuff but yeah first things first head over to my Instagram Shon XO all right Ari so she posted on Instagram on

Stories and she seemed to address how she felt about all the rumors going around about her now listen we talk about celebrities here obviously and we talk about rumors we talk about rumor and conjecture and sometimes we know what’s going on and sometimes we don’t ah I think we do know

What’s going on with this situation so there’s there’s only a few ways this Dynamic with Ariana could could possibly have played out because she insists or like her people or sources whatever insist that oh oh no her and Ethan didn’t start dating until after they got divorced let me tell you something if

You have been even just dating someone forget being married legally married forget piling on top of that being a public figure and the scrutiny that comes with that kind of breakup let’s just say you’re an ordinary person and you’re dating someone and you meet someone and you’re like I really like

Them somebody at my door sorry and you really like them is it realistic not come on is it realistic to say that you would 100% break up with your boyfriend when you hadn’t even kind of explored what things would be like with this new person maybe that’s you’ve hooked up you’ve kissed

You’ve had a conversation about it you’ve gone out on a few secret dates and kind of tested the waters I’m going to call Shenanigans and say that very few people fully let go of one branch before they get a grip on the next is this a perfect system no this is

A shitty thing to do it’s a shitty thing to do but life is messy and this happens more than we think and it is very easy to sit in Judgment of that kind of behavior until you’ve been in it and but this is the thing this is why we don’t

Want to be the mistress because that shittiness gets inside of you it gets inside of you now I’m not a person who feels guilt I’ve talked about this before it’s simply not in my wheelhouse of emotions it never is but I am a person who feels Pride I have a tremendous amount of

Pride in myself I have a tremendous self-concept being someone’s [ __ ] side chick or their dirty secret no no no no no no no no I don’t give a [ __ ] about the girlfriend or the wife I don’t care I care about me okay and that’s how you should feel well it’s not fair to

Her I don’t care about her she is the object between me and what I want so I don’t I don’t care I I care about going against myself I care about being able to look myself in the eye and be like what happened to you this is who you are

You’re another man’s dirty secret really you’re sh and Lester you’re Olivia you’re Hannah you’re Aaron you’re Haley you are not anyone’s secret no but some women are but let’s get back to Ariana real quick so I don’t believe that nothing nothing happened with these two they both got divorced publicly he’s got

A baby he was married for 5 years to his like weird theater nerd wife like Q whatever theater people are like that they get together and just nerd out do you think they just sing they’re like I need the paresan pass it over here is that what

They do like at the dinner table are they just like just breaking out into song all the time I picture that I I don’t want anything to do with those people anyway he got divorced she gets divorced and I’m sorry you can’t tell me that these two never even kissed without

Deciding to make like before they decided to make this huge Choice like humans are risk machines our brain is a risk machine and I would never I’m sorry I don’t cheat on people but if I was gonna I would be like I need to know

100% that that person I like is going to date me if not marry me for me to leave this marriage I need to know it’s a real sure footing I’m stepping out into a ledge I need to know there’s something there I wouldn’t be like well I kind of

Want to go on a date with them we’re getting divorced and if that is the case if that is what either of them did then they were both so incredibly unhappily married because clearly these marriages were circling the drain and they just needed the spark of someone else to be

Like okay my crush from afar okay on SpongeBob Mr orange teeth he’s like like a Fenty Foundation Swatch I feel bad for Ariana’s husband you’re like this this is who you left me for this is who you left me for where are your eyebrows where is your head

What is going on right now who did I marry I feel bad for our husband anyway this Crush from afar is such a spark and such a contrast to what I have been feeling that it’s not even about this person it’s not even about this person

This person was merely a sign post they weren’t a destination but he was a destination and so is she because now they’re together so that tells me that tells me there were some Shenanigans behind the SC I think I 100% per think they hooked up filming a show

Being on set it’s a stressful experience people Bond over stress men especially Bond over the hormone Vaso pressent it’s a stress hormone like think about the military It’s My Brother Band of Brothers football fraternities these are all stressful experiences right and so if you can go through a stressful

Experience of filming a movie together even travel is a stressful experience not necessarily a negative stress but it’s it’s a stressor you bond with someone more so again kind of got to think that these two had something going on so what’s with this pathology with her because you guys have brought up

That like this is not really the first time she’s done something like this she stole Pete Davidson from cazzy Davis um who I think he wasn’t he engaged to her and then they were like hot and heavy and that kind of put Pete on the map and

Before that she stole big sea from Nia Rivera now again we’re going to go back to the truth that you can’t steal a happy person you can’t steal a happy man I’ve tried doesn’t work if you’re in the shalant charage you remember the the uh

The Jesse Saga I had a big crush on this trainer at my gym and I was like I’m going to break him and his girlfriend up no I can’t because he was really happy I was like oh well all right whatever bye like I gave it like two flirtations I

Was like not working bye like but that’s the thing I’m not sticking around to like play this role and be the third party why would I the world is full of men I’m Shing [ __ ] Lester okay and you are so and so [ __ ] so and so you’re not doing that

Either but someone like Ariana is why the mistress psychology is a very interesting one and I’ve watched it play out honestly with some of my friends one of my good friends only dates married men only and I’m not talking she’s like a sugar baby she gets her rent paid for

She gets the moera no she just has a boyfriend who’s married with kids and the men are like I’m not leaving my wife leaving my wife they don’t make any bones about it they’re like no it’s a weird mindset and she is gorgeous ivy league educated she’s a

Doctor like she’s not like uh like Trailer Park Crystal who’s got nothing better to do and we’re like Alice like what are you what is this big boobs blonde amazing like what the [ __ ] is this what is this so I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the

Mistress psychology because I need to try to understand this person who’s like a sister to me and I’m but there is this side of you that is like what she has very very low self-esteem hold on let me let me wind that back let me wind that

Back she has high self-esteem she has low selfworth she has low selfworth we’ve talked about this in the chalant trage we have talked about this on my podcast it is the concept of being a Gucci bag at a garage sale Gucci bag is very valuable until it’s not and you put it

On sale for four [ __ ] at your neighborhood garage sale I had someone say that to me a girl who had like met me twice she’s like you have very high self-esteem but you have very low selfworth and I was like I mean just like the soul left my

Body cuz she was right and I was telling her about my ex Tom drunk alcoholic drugs in and out like just [ __ ] boy situationship over and over and this dumb cycle and she’s like what are you doing what low self- worth you have she was dead ass right and we think

That having high self-esteem inherently leads to High self-worth I mean aren’t they one and the same no no if you ask my friend Alice describe yourself she’d be like I’m smart I’m capable I’m strong I’m funny I’m well-rounded she knows and I I would agree with all that absolutely absolutely

Absolutely but yet she can identify herself as that Gucci bag and here she is at a [ __ ] garage sale you know I was going to say there’s two types of of Mistresses there’s a kind with really high self forth and there’s a kind with really low no I don’t think

That’s true I think it’s just the low let me break this down so when I look at Alice’s psychology and I think a lot of Mistresses are like this it’s a builtin fail into the relationship there is a built-in dead end and so that when that man eventually leaves you or when Things

Fall Apart it’s not really your fault he’s not actually rejecting you he’s choosing his family he’s not simply saying you and I don’t work I’m just going to reject you in favor of the Great Wide Open of Tinder I don’t know there is something larger than you that you can’t really blame him

For choosing and in fact you can spin it that he’s a good guy for choosing his family and so that makes the blow of him rejecting you less and so if something is doomed to fail it’s never really a rejection of you because if it was your self-esteem couldn’t handle

It I don’t know how somebody does that for years I’ve been in that situation you know where I like someone with a girlfriend and it was like literally day two of talking I was like you got to leave your girlfriend or I’m not speaking to you ever again and sometimes

They did and sometimes they didn’t but I was removing myself from that role instantly and I remember at the time thinking about poor Alice and I’m like I I don’t know how she’s done this for years I don’t know I don’t know but now you might be thinking

Well Ariana clearly got what she wanted okay let’s look at why let’s look at who she didn’t get an oil tycoon to leave his wife she didn’t get a carpenter to leave his wife she got another actor to leave his wife why is this significant actors are insane they’re insane people

They are so selfish and self-absorbed and neurotic and narcissistic and fragile and just they’re absolutely out of their mind insane especially theater people who have a chip on their shoulder about being theater kids because they probably weren’t the popular kids at high school maybe but not like the jocks

Not like the hot people like come on even if you’re the most popular theater kid you still are a theater kid you know you walk into any like Wall Street bar and they’re like oh a theater kid I was captain of the rowing team at Dartmouth

But nice to meet you Ethan what a waste of a great name and that means they are always trying to Puff the themselves up they want the clout they want the fame they want all of this glamour this aess life and especially in theater theater’s a

[ __ ] grind I can’t I don’t know how theater people why they would even want to like perform it’s like we had a two-year run of Pippen it’s like so you did what 1,500 shows or something insane why on Earth would you want to do that over and over and over

Again that’s I I put a bullet in my head I couldn’t do it I don’t know how they like to do that oh it’s different every night is it I don’t know because you’re saying the exact same words in the exact same order and kind of seems like the

Exact same thing okay but listen that’s the thing they don’t get their props they don’t have the fame and the glory and the clout and the money like an actual actress like an actual celebrity that people care about Ariana does so she introduces him into this world he’s

Always wanted that he could only dream about it’s very beguiling it’s very beguiling they want the old Ras Dazzle so Ariana is presenting this glittering fantasy of a life he’s always wanted versus his wife who knows all his jokes knows everything has a squalling baby at

Home and now it’s like the baby the baby the baby and I’m not saying women with kids deserve to get cheated on at all at obviously do you know that the number one time a man cheats is when a woman’s pregnant because from his point of view

It’s not about him anymore he’s like a second class citizen in the house he’s like a disappointing handyman like oh you couldn’t put the crib together that’s interesting that’s interesting she’s all about the baby his family’s all about the baby everyone’s always asking the baby the baby and he’s like

Got it he needs to go someplace where he’s getting his ego stroked and other things and attention and someone’s like wow I’ve never heard that story you’re so funny you look like an orange Sherba dreamsicle thing but you’re so funny so in that sense it was an easy

Choice for him probably and same with Ariana she also needs excitement excitement excitement so let’s go back to her psychology the psychology of someone who chronically goes after guys who are taken I believe this also signals extremely low selfworth because for those women it’s not enough to get a

Guy they have to take someone else’s in the shalant trage we were talking about something kind of like this the other day and I quoted I referenced this quote from Oscar wild that I love I love it he once said it’s not enough that I succeed others must fail

Yes yes I love it I want to succeed but another aspect of success is watching the people I hate fail don’t believe me aren’t you always happy when your ex gets fat there you go there you go now you understand this feeling and in those little micro does fine okay some people

Take that to an extreme and it’s not enough to that they get a man someone else has to lose hers and they need to be the reason for it it’s this deficit right we maybe need 10 romantic points Boop and then we got a man it’s like

Okay all 10 points are fulfilled yay they have a 100 that need to be filled so they got to they have this deficit they have to take someone else it’s got to be messy they got to make drama they have to make that man choose them again

And again and again through this drama and this fight and this baby daddy argument and this bom it’s a constant I Choose You I pick you I Choose You and they’re going to set up these constructs over and over and over again to get that to get that

Juice now this is a very this sounds very toxic and when we think of this on paper we’re like why would anyone want to engage with someone who’s doing [ __ ] like that do you know why people cheat they cheat for two reasons to explore different sides of their personality

Ethan you can say the side of his personality that he wanted to explore the Glamour the clout the fame okay that was always in there it was always what he wanted never had an outlet for it never had an Avenue for that and number two they cheat to feel

Alive they cheat to feel alive so you have this mistress manufacturing these things these dramas and you have this stable wife who on paper is do do everything right I give you a home I give you love I know you I’m raising your child and he’s like but she is

Drama and when you’re dealing with a weak man any drama is better than none what you want is positive drama in your life we’re trying hand gliding together we’re sailing to Antarctica we’re both learning Japanese that’s positive drama that’s a positive stressor right cuz cuz remember people Bond through stress that those are

Positive stressors those are expanders when someone is really down bad when they are so unhappy in a relationship when they are so unhappy with themsel and they feel stagnant any flame is a good flame doesn’t matter does not matter how combustible it is they are just going to gravitate towards

It so listen if you’re trying to get a man to leave his girlfriend you have to be the bigger dog in the yard you have to be the bigger storm you do you have to create more stress and more more of a headache basically okay hold on I take

That back it depends on who he’s leaving if he is with a chaos Monster you got to be like strong and stable and there for him but also the victim I can’t believe you’re doing this to me and you won’t choose me you have to play that card if

She is like boring as [ __ ] you’re Lauren Sanchez to his Jeff Bezos you’re like sexy and dynamic and you got tits and you got lips and you fly helicopter and I don’t even know if she has this accent but I feel like she could because she’s

Got that kind of aesthetic right you are like Angelina look at Brad and Jennifer Anderson and Angelina perfect example perfect example Angelina was like the girl next door everyone wanted to date her why because she’s chill because you could show up in Birkenstocks on a date

And just want to smoke weed and she’s like is that not how she acts drives me nuts like kind of pretty but I mean Angelina cholie are you kidding me she’s not even a human she’s like something that fell from from space hatched out of a beautiful rhinestone pod she’s

Gorgeous she was very exciting Brad was bored with Jennifer Aniston bored and Angelina was like everything she was overwhelming she was stimulating and she wanted to have his baby so she fulfilled that need that Jennifer Anderson was fundamentally not going to do there was no shot in Hell there was no chance he

Was ever going to stay with Jen none Angelina had it all she had the excitement but with the stability of wanting to have his baby Jennifer Anderson was done done so these are some interesting interesting things to keep in mind so we again let’s recap to look at

The psychology of a side chick you have someone who maybe isn’t getting off on stealing someone else’s man but she is gravitating towards that dynamic because it’s a built-in fail why would you want a built-in fail because when it eventually happens it’s not your fault they’re not rejecting you they’re

Rejecting the situation they’re not even rejecting you they’re simply choosing something else and hey you can’t have both you can’t have both it’s a fork in the road you got to take one path or a next or they are the toxic kind they are the women who want to steal someone else’s

Man we’ve talked about this with Khloe Kardashian we talked about this with Miranda Lambert that they love taken men the [ __ ] bites them in the ass you lose them how you get them right but they need that like that juice of always getting chosen look at Chloe and Tristan

I don’t think she’s manufacturing all of his Affairs but I do think her getting back together with him relates very much to going after someone who was taken because he had a baby mom what do we call him third trimester Thompson yeah he had a pregnant long-term girlfriend

When Chloe met him and so after he keeps having these Affairs he comes back to her and so she gets to be chosen again you see what I mean she’s repeating this cycle of choose me choose me pick me love me choose me [ __ ] pick me chicks man

Or they are the kind of person who is giving a man all of this fire because he is desperate for stimulation these relationships are ultimately doomed to fail if they’re built on that fieriness because every Fire Burns Out Every Storm Runs Out of Rain you know that does not make a

Sustainable relationship and girl oh my God if you’ve ever we’re literally we’re also talking about this in the schrage and I one of you guys is like beside yourself and I get it if your man leaves you for the Angelina and then you watch that collapse and this Angelina leaves your

Brad Pit for someone else and one of you guys in the shalant trage you were like I this man was like the love of my life and he leaves me for someone who just threw him away it was easier to bear when I thought okay maybe

They’re soul mates I don’t I don’t know but no it was like a game to her it didn’t mean anything to her and she ruined our relationship he ruined our relationship for like a passing fancy really H it is brutal Brutal brutal but you know if you if you are in the mistress position right now I’m not justifying where you’re at but I will say life is messy and when you get older there’s almost always some kind of baggage weirdly when I look around at my friends who are happily

Married a lot of them were dating other people when they met their current spouse some of them were even married and they but this is the thing they got divorced they broke up and they were unhappily married or they were separated and the divorce proceedings went ahead

And now they had like a reason to like speed things up you know they didn’t stay in that mistress situation not for long because the mistress put her foot down his foot down was like I’m not [ __ ] doing this pee or get off the

Pot dude like do you want to be with me or not if not stay where you’re at I’m moving on I’m absolutely fine it’s tough it’s tough no matter which of which position you’re in really okay what do you guys think about this oh we didn’t even read Ariana’s

Caption damn okay sorry sorry about this we just got into okay one of the most transformative most challenging and yet happiest and most special years of my life she wrote on December 29th there were so many beautiful and yet polarized feelings I’ve never felt more at the mercy of and in acceptance

Of what life was screaming to teach me I’ve never felt more Pride or Joy or love while simultaneously feeling so deeply misunderstood by people who don’t know me who piece Whispers together and make what they want out of me and their assumptions of my life okay I am reacting to things that

Deserve my energy only and removing and protecting myself from things that do not I feel more human than ever I feel more deeply than ever I feel softer and stronger all at once if you ever feel misunderstood or alone just remember that it will pass and you are not

Misunderstood and alone take a deep breath and know that you are so incredibly loved a that’s cute that’s cute that’s cute I mean yes she says she feels very misunderstood I get it and I don’t you know what I mean like as we have talked this whole video life is messy you you

Don’t meet people under the ideal circumstances you try to mitigate the damage you try to do the right thing once you realize [ __ ] this train has left the station with the other person I have real feelings I got to get out of this marriage I mean good for her good

For her I do think it’s interesting that she seems to be chronically attracted to people who’ve been in relationships and you know what maybe her husband Dalton maybe he was in one too maybe she made that ex-wife ex-girlfriend signed an ironclad agreement paid her off to go

Away and shut the [ __ ] up and never tell her side of the story Maybe I don’t know wouldn’t surprise me the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior and I think we seen we’ve seen from Ariana this is kind of her wheelhouse is it just that life is kind

Of messy and that humans don’t let go one branch till they get a grip on the next or is it that Ariana is a home wrecker tell me in the comments what you think and like I said go to my Instagram if you guys want some advice pep talks

For the new year how to glow up how to be a little bit more evil cuz you know I put an evil spin on [ __ ] everything I’m not going to be here live laugh love choose kindness don’t choose kindness it’s literally for losers I’m going to tell you how to choose evil and

Get everything you want I’ll see you later shallot Gators