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    Jameela Jamil explains why people don’t say “Not All Men”
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    Jameela Jamil explains why people don’t say “Not All Men”


    Jameela Jamil explains why people don’t say “Not All Men”



    Posted by pinkstarrfish

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    26 Comments

    2. Ok-Branch-974 on

      Stop calling it SA’d and start saying sexually assaulted. Is all this unalived and pdf file talk just a way to get higher priority on algorithms or have videos remain open for monetization?

    3. VCR_Samurai on

      Not all men, but always a man. 

      All the guys who gripe and give the “not all men” caveat have to understand that this statement comes with its own caveat, and if men want to live in a world where it isn’t assumed that they’re going to commit sexual violence, assault, abuse, or murder, then they need to make efforts to create a world where men are either not the majority doing it, or are not doing those things at nearly the frequency that it happens. 

      Check in on your homies, and hold the homies accountable when they’re being shitty. Letting them go about their business when you know they suck reflects just as badly on you as it does on them. 

    4. Time_Initiative9342 on

      In addition to it being 1 in 3 women, think about how many of those women are sexually assaulted more than once in their lifetime. How many have been violated by more than one man they know.

      Hundreds upon hundreds of millions of men.

    5. maddywriting999 on

      Yep. I always think of the Shrodinger’s Rapist essay whenever this discourse comes up. Also it was only *last year* that the whole Giselle Pelicot (she’s problematic too ) case blew wide open and tbh that’s enough to revoke the ‘not all men’ card.

    6. Apart_Distribution72 on

      The other side of this is that making statements against men out of frustration that don’t really address the issue at hand, only harms men who haven’t done wrong and may actively be working against this issue.

      When you make a statement that begins with “all men” you have to understand that means trans men, that means queer men, that means ALL men. I see people defend this by saying that they don’t really mean all men, that they aren’t talking about trans and queer men, but by saying that what they’re really saying is they don’t see them as real men. It splits “men” into two distinct categories, men (derogatory) and men (lite). The people in the “men lite” category aren’t viewed as real men because they aren’t perceived as being as dangerous or threatening, which reinforces the idea that violence is what makes men real, that it’s what makes them who they are.

      It also makes it difficult for men and amab people who have been SA’d to find support and spaces we’re accepted in. The same patriarchal structure that prevents assaults against women being taken seriously also prevents assaults against amab people being taken seriously. Women are told they shouldn’t have dressed or acted a certain way for the same reason I was told I should’ve liked it and I should feel lucky when I was assaulted. Patriarchy.

      Society sees me as the person in power, even when I was assaulted, simply because I’m amab, because I’m perceived as male and in our patriarchal society that means sex is owed to me, even sex I don’t want and actively resist.

      It’s really not all men. It’s men who use patriarchal structures to their advantage and to avoid accountability. There a lot of people forced under the societal umbrella we call “men” who shouldn’t be grouped in with abusers.

    8. Silcalina on

      The thing that is scaring me is that this manosphere red pill shit is spreading so quickly among boys. The algorithms push it. The future (if we’re even permitted to have one lolll) is scary for when those boys become men.

    9. stink3rb3lle on

      And even men who don’t attack women often close ranks around violent men and protect them. I had three friends who all had negative experiences with this one guy when we were in school. When the third one told me about it, I saw red. I approached the turd’s friend whom I had a bit of background in common with. I thought I was doing something so radical and helpful. I asked the friend if he was a feminist, if he stood for protecting women. He said of course. All I asked him to do was watch his friend and stop him from hurting other women. I didn’t divulge any names of who I knew the turd had hurt.

      And he wouldn’t do it. He invited one of those same women to his place *with the turd* and the turd proceeded to socially ostracize my friend like she was the problem for not being flattered by his assaulting her, and having the gall to share her experience.

    10. Fine_Addendum2821 on

      This is so spot on despite my conflicting feelings of Jameela. Whenever I’d comment or make a post or join in a conversation, I’d always back track to say “not all men.” I’m actually trying to stop. To me, it doesn’t need to be said, and while communicating about issues women face we’re still pandering to men who tend to correct us enough to say it in the first place. It’s implied, and I’m over making sure to go back to make sure I said that to I don’t hurt men’s feelings despite commenting on a post of women and girls being SA’d!

    11. yourshaddow3 on

      I love that she pointed out how passively we talk about women being sexually assaulted. There’s never an actor in the statistics. “Women are assaulted.” Completely removes men from the situation. That’s not by accident. It’s purposeful. It is written like that intentionally.

      But I’m supposed to care about what I say?

    12. Material2975 on

      As a man a phrase like “all men” don’t bother me because I know in my heart to treat women with respect. If hearing all men bothers you, do some self reflection. 

    13. Manhunter_From_Mars on

      I mean…

      It’s not under 1 billion is it?

      It’s wayyyyyy higher if we consider all those who were assaulted generations ago and just died since

    14. winnie-bago on

      We talk a lot about victimisation rates but not a lot about perpetration rates. Doing so allows skeptics (aka misogynists) to cast doubt on these statistics and to claim that women are misinterpreting or even lying about their experiences. Both are important.

      Trigger warning: SA talk

      Studies asking college-aged men if they’d ever committed acts meeting the legal definition of rape (without actually using the word ‘rape’) show that, on average, about 1 in 20 men have committed rape or attempted rape *in the past year alone*. 1 in 10 college-age men have committed rape or attempted rape since age 14. Between 1 and 3% can be classified as serial rapists. This is, of course, what these men are willing to admit.

      Edit: love all the men downvoting this comment. Guess reality hurts.

    15. zertech on

      As a man, im not sure what i can do to help other than be a good and respectful person. But that doesnt really do anything about all the awful people who do perpetrate violence against women. 

      I certainly dont tolerate or associate with the sort of red pill BS when i meet someone who thinks that way. But all i can do is tell them thats super fucked up and never talk to them again.

      She says men dont speak out…but what does that really mean in a practical sense? Going around randomly saying assault ia wrong? Well duh.
      Obviously if a friend starts talking about an intention to assault someone, or adjacent rhetoric ill call that out and try to give a heads up to any women they were talking about, but these assaults arent really advertised like that before they happen. These guys work hard to seem normal in most social settings and only reveal their true nature to another guy when they think that other guy is the same way. So if i dont talk like a dirtbag a little, it stays hidden from me.

      I cant change the way other men think and talk. The awful ones capable of violence have plenty of other people to reinforce their ways of thinking. Nothing i say on an individual basis will make a real difference 99.99% of the time

      Other than just being a good person myself Im not really sure what I can do that will matter.

      I guess i sort of resent the idea that “good men” are partially responsible because they somehow dont do enough.

      Its not just women who get assaulted either. So speaking like men are immune isnt really helpful.

      Most would do whatever they can to help, but there are almost never times where they can do anything at all.

      Im not happy about that, but im also not aure what i can do to affect it. 

    16. LebrontosaurausRex on

      Fun fact,

      Male prisoners suffer assault in the US at a rate of about 1 in 5 (adjusting for underreporting). Meaning one in five male prisoners or 20% will be assaulted during their time in prison.

      We know prison is filled with sexual violence and is a dangerous place.

      Women in America get assaulted at about a rate of 1 in 4 to 1 in 5 once again adjusting for under reporting.

    18. who_what_when_314 on

      I forgot the comedian, maybe Louis C.K. joked: The number 1 cause if women’s death is men, and the number 1 cause of men’s death is heart disease. I don’t know why that popped in my head. I guess I do my part by not being violent against the women in my life.

    19. DragonFangGangBang on

      I mean, what is it exactly that I’m supposed to do?

      If I see someone being assaulted, I can and have, done things to stop it – man or woman. But if I don’t actually see anything happen, what am I supposed to do?

      Like I understand her point, and I absolutely believe that women should be weary of all men. But this idea that all the other men are just supposed to be aware of crimes that they couldn’t possibly know about until after the crime already happened, otherwise we just have to be complicit, is kind of absurd, isn’t it?

    20. nodogsallowed23 on

      For years I would’ve said I wasn’t one of the 1 in 3, but it’s because sexual assault is so normalized that I didn’t even realize not only that I was assaulted, but how often I was sexually assaulted as a young woman.

    21. SugarShock94 on

      I don’t “forget” to say it, I just don’t say it. It’s not a necessary add on and any man who is offended needs some self reflection.

    22. Hoppeditz on

      The thing to me is, this is feminism. It should be talked about but exactly with this clarity.

      I have met so many women who have said “All men are disgusting” or “All men are monsters” and I have actually pushed back on them because I think it‘s the wrong way to go about it. There was a woman on tv who wanted her sons to play with dolls and when they didn‘t and chose typical boy toys, she called her own sons “potential future rapists”. That kind of thinking is not helpful.
      And a lot of these are also repeat offenders. I don‘t know. I don‘t defend this notion of “all men” statements. I think it creates more of divide than it helps actually addressing the issue.

      It‘s not a men vs women issue. It‘s people who care about someone‘s rights regardless of gender vs people who take it upon themselves to degrade and treat someone like an object because of their gender issue.

      To add onto her point: Almost half of the women she mentioned (the 1/3 ratio) get assaulted before the age of 18. So there‘s also a discussion on pedophilia to be had here. And it‘s estimated 90-95% are committed by men, at least according to statistics. That is still a ton and the vast majority and should be called out, but I do not know where she has the 98-99% number from.

    25. Old_Flan_6548 on

      Spot on.

      “Many women resist feminism because it is an agony to be fully conscious of the brutal misogyny that permeates culture, society, and all personal relationships.” -Andrea Dworkin

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