For the first time, she allowed emotion to override technique. A Matter of Time contains imperfect notes and vocal cracks (within reason, it’s not Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music or anything), as the musician exposes her vulnerable side.
It was all inspired by her first experience of falling in love – an experience that was simultaneously thrilling and unsettling.
On Lover Girl, she practically scolds herself for being so reckless. Carousel, external finds her tentatively revealing flaws to a new lover. A Cautionary Tale, external is full of post-breakup clarity.
“I gave it too much, I gave myself up / I lost sight of all my dignity.”
Without playing amateur psychologist, I wonder if she found love so scary because her background as a classically-trained musician required her to be disciplined and regimented from an early age?
“Certainly, that’s a huge part of it,” she says.
“My music, I took it so seriously [that I] don’t feel like I got to be a regular kid. And it’s not because my parents didn’t let me or anything like that. I was just like, ‘I need to be the best version of myself, and I need to practise really hard’.
“I didn’t date, I didn’t drink, I didn’t do the silly things. I didn’t have a rebellious bone in my body.
“So at the age of 20 or 21, when I first started falling in love and learning about life, it felt like pure chaos, because I certainly had not figured anything out.
“I’m still playing catch-up with that. I have so much anxiety about relationships and love and big life events. That’s why I write about it so much, because I’m trying to sort out my feelings.”