Trump Promises “Unified Reich,” Defense Attorneys Rest After Only Two Witnesses in Hush Money Trial

-Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show." You’re here. You made it. Thank you for watching at home. Well, guys, today here in New York City, it was 80 degrees and really starting to feel like summer. Wasn’t it beautiful? [ Cheers and applause ] Beautiful day. Although I got to be honest, it bothers me when the hot dog vendors start hanging signs that say, "Freshly caught." You know. [ Laughter ] Speaking of things happening in New York City, today, the defense rested its case in former president Trump’s hush money trial. These are crazy times. Four years ago, Biden campaigned from his basement because of COVID. Now Trump might have to do the same because of house arrest. So… [ Laughter ] Very interesting times we’re living in. Trump’s defense rested after calling only two witnesses. Hard to say that was in Trump’s best interest or his lawyers just said, "Who cares? Not like we’re getting paid anyway. You know, let’s just go." Yeah, Trump ended up not taking the stand to testify. He wanted to take the stand, but then he saw it was three steps without a handrail. He’s like, "What is this? What is this, Mount Everest? I can’t do it." [ Laughter ] I saw that Don Jr. attended the trial for the first time. When he arrived, every drug-sniffing dog there was like, "I’m making overtime tonight. Alright, give me a sniff. Give me a sniff." Yep, Trump’s hush money trial is winding down. It’s been historic. In fact, today, the courtroom stenographer released a list of all the phrases that she’s typed in court that she’s never had to write before. Yeah. Check these out. No. You can’t order — [ Cheers and applause ] "Uber Eats." Well, a lot of people are talking about this. The Trump campaign is facing backlash after Trump posted a video on social media that suggested his victory in November will bring a unified Reich. Now, listen, I know that sounds terrible. [ Laughter ] When they saw the ad, even Confederate statues were like, "You should take that down. I mean, you really — That’s — That’s — That’s got to come down. That’s got to come down." Some more election news. According to a new poll, 71% of voters want to see a third-party candidate like RFK Jr. participate in the presidential debates. 71%. But that wasn’t the only poll about the debates that was a little surprising. For instance, 74% want… [ Laughter ] I’d do that. Next up, 68% want… -Whoo! -Just go for it. You take it. Go! [ Cheers and applause ] Up next, 77% want… And finally, 100% want… There you have it. [ Cheers and applause ] I don’t know. Well, switching gears, the head of Canada’s intelligence agency has warned Canadians to stay off TikTok. TikTok in Canada is a little different. Instead of a tortilla, they slap each other with Tim Hortons coffee lids. [ Laughter ] [ Smack! ] Well, get this — Peloton shares just plunged after the company announced a global refinancing. Peloton is barely hanging on. Now when you ride your bike, you have to give a motivational pep talk to the instructor. "You got this, Becks. Hang in there. You got this. One more mile." [ Cheers and applause ] Well, listen to this. Apparently, department stores are making new efforts to attract Gen Z shoppers. It makes sense, but it seems like Kohl’s is trying a little too hard. Did you see this — Look at this commercial I saw it today. Look at this. -What up, fam? This summer, Kohl’s is goals. We’re serving lewks and taking care of rizzness. Our competitors are straight up delulu. Nordstrom is sus. -Big yikes. -T.J. Maxx is wack. -Skibidi toilet. -And JCPenney ain’t it, sis. -It’s giving bankruptcy. -But Kohl’s? You can let the gang know you [bleep] with this. Who wants this Kohl’s Cash? Move over, me espresso. And presso me khakis! -Ow! -Then hit the Griddy down to Kohl’s and get high-key goated. [ Goat screaming ] -[ Speaks indistinctly ] [ Cheers and applause ] -Wow. -Oh, my gosh. Some more business news. Nestlé is releasing a new line of frozen foods for people on Ozempic. It’s part of their new line of Not Hungry Man dinners. [ Laughter ] Did you guys see this? The FDA just recalled some bags of Pedigree dog food because they may contain metal pieces. On the bright side, you can now clean up after your dog by using a magnet. Ding. Ding. Ding. Not to be outdone, Purina just released their new Beggin’ Bolts, which I thought was insane. [ Laughter ] Guys, I saw that Elvis Presley’s iconic Graceland mansion could be auctioned off due to foreclosure. -Ooh. -It’s a pretty big deal. And here now to tell us his thoughts on the matter is the man who was Oscar nominated for portraying Elvis, Austin Butler. Austin, thank you for joining us today. -My pleasure. Jimmy. -Austin, what do you think about the possibility of Graceland being auctioned off? -I think it’s bad news, man. I love Graceland. -I get that. It’s an iconic place and — [ Cellphone ringing ] Hold on. I’m sorry. Someone else seems to be calling in. Uh, hello? -It’s me — Shaq. [ Laughter ] -Hey, Shaq, I’m here with Austin Butler. -Hey. -Hey. [ Laughter ] -So, we’re talking about the Graceland news. -That Graceland stuff is messed up. -I totally get that, Austin. -That was me. I’m Shaq. -Oh. Sorry. -No worries. All good. -Thanks, Shaq. -No, that was me. I’m Austin. -Sorry. So would either of you potentially be in the market for a house like this? -I think so. I’ve saved a bunch in my career. -Well, you’re one of the greatest NBA players of all time. -No, that was me. I’m Austin. -Okay. -You play basketball, too, Austin? -No, I thought — I thought that was Shaq talking. -I play basketball. I’m Shaq. -I know. This is too confusing. -I totally agree, Austin. -No, that was me. I’m Jimmy. -Hey, Jimmy. -Hey, Austin. -No, that was me. I’m Shaq. -You know what? I’ll call you guys back after the show. Shaq and Austin Butler, everybody. I’m so sorry. That was too confusing. Why would he call now? Why would he call now? -I’m Shaq. -Okay, good. Thank you. -They’re still here. -And finally, police said a homeowner in Pennsylvania was doing yard work when they found a significant amount of cocaine buried in the ground. Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money, so we could only afford above-ground cocaine. [ Cheers and applause ] We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots. -♪ Zigga, zigga, zigga, trying to get a grip and slipped ♪ ♪ So lift me up, there’s always a bump ♪ [ Rapping indistinctly ] [ Cheers and applause ] -What a show we have for you tonight. He’s one of my favorites. He is the host of HBO’s "Real Time with Bill Maher," and his new book, "What This Comedian Said Will Shock You," is available now. Bill Maher is here tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] Funny dude. Oh, she’s a great actress. Currently stars in two Apple TV+ shows, "Physical" and "Platonic," which are both streaming now. Rose Byrne is joining us tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] Plus, I can’t wait to talk to this guy. He is the award-winning filmmaker behind the hit docuseries "The Jinx." He’s a genius. I mean, he’s brilliant. The finale of "The Jinx — Part Two" airs this Sunday at 10:00 p.m. on HBO and Max. Andrew Jarecki is here tonight. It’s good. [ Cheers and applause ] Oh. And we got great music from Zayn — is here tonight. [ Cheers and applause ] "Room Under the Stairs." That’s the name of it. Guys, it’s a new week, and I have a lot of questions, and I’m going to get them answered right now by someone who knows everything — Alexa. It’s time for "Ask Alexa." -♪ Ask, ask Alexa ♪ -Alright, here we go. Alright, here’s our first question here. Alexa, when is Father’s Day? -June something. Who cares? [ Cheers and applause ] -How about this one? Alexa, where can I watch "Yellowstone"? -"Yellowstone" is available to stream on Paramount+, which might be bought by Max, which was HBO, which is only available on Tubi or Hulu unless you Roku your Showtime with Disney+++++. [ Cheers and applause ] -I think I have all of those. -Yeah. -Alright, I got one, I got one. Alexa, what’s the most effective pickup line? -I’m looking for a man in finance, trust funds, 6’5", blue eyes. -Thank you. That’s good. Trust fund, blue eyes. [ Cheers and applause ] How about, Alexa, how long until the Trump-Biden election? -You are in the waiting room of Hades, and the election will never get here. You will just be talking about it for all eternity. -Wow. [ Applause ] -Alright. How about this one? Alexa, when does summer in New York start? -When all the garbage bags begin to bloom. -Aww. [ Applause ] Ahh. Best time of year. Let’s ask one last question. Alexa, what is the most endangered species in America right now? -A red lobster. -That’s all the time we have for "Ask Alexa." We’ll be right back with Bill Maher, everybody.

Jimmy addresses the latest news, like Trump’s defense attorneys resting in his hush money trial after only calling two witnesses, Trump promising a “unified Reich” if he wins the 2024 presidential election and the head of Canada’s intelligence agency warning people to stay off TikTok.

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Trump Promises “Unified Reich,” Defense Attorneys Rest After Only Two Witnesses in Hush Money Trial
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48 Comments

  1. I am sorry Jimmy but dumb Americans laughing for "100% want different candidates" are clueless ignoramuses ripe for AUTHORITARIANISM. We got here by the dumbing down of America and NOT TAKING CARE OF OUR DEMOCRACY. Not laughing. Lousy irresponsible joke.

  2. watchmanscry is trump freemason trump tower of bal 666 from dark legacy to project papper clip to american history x bowling for columbine 9/11 crash of 08 to dumps very fine nazi's

  3. get it right we use bacon covered with maple surup to slap eachother and we are gonna build a wall get trump to pay for it use maple suyrup and get bears and beavers to guard that sh*t good luck

  4. this really starts to suck. – i dont mind you making fun of trump – but why never any biden jokes?? is that really the mindbeding bs youre all on? trumo needing a handrail – and biden???

  5. It is amazing how liberals like Fallon know nothing about history ;and can not see what is happening all around them: we thanks to Obama and Biden have become a third world country. Stop being stupid and shut up if you have nothing intelligent to say.(my opinion of course)

  6. After talking with people and seeing them on YouTube I wonder if they know what the Reich was… what it means….. and how dangerous!!!

  7. THE MANS. MIND. IS. EVIL 😈 HE. IS. NOT. FOR THE. USA 🇺🇸 HE. IS. FOR. HIMSELF. AND USING. PLATFORMS TO. BRING AMERICA 🇺🇸 😢 😮 TOGETHER. NO. TO DIVIDE ➗️ USA 🇺🇸 YES USA. WATCH OUT HE IS. MENTALLY UNSTABLE..

  8. the soy=feminization BS was based on a study of sheep having very slightly smaller testicles if they had access to clover and was then, with zero evidence, extended to humans eating soy by a non-scientist bodybuilder on his media account

  9. To anyone dealing with depression or feeling low, don’t give up on life, no matter what bad things happened in your past, don’t let them define you or control your destiny, you are all important and loved!, there is hope for all of us!
    Jesus loves you all ✝️, get to know God through Christ 📖

  10. 🇺🇸 Late night shows standing up for American citizens is what The United States Of America is about. If anyone knows who I am, Then you know I am surely the most thankful viewer of every single show. 🇺🇸

  11. Trump and his racist thugs have decided to force their way into office. We are slow-walking back into Jim Crow. These folks may start lynching black people all over again.

  12. If Stephen Colbert, Stewart, Myers, Kimmel, Fallon, Oliver, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, SNL, or NPR are your political leaders,
    you would be better off with out a leader.
    Do your own research before you get whipped into a hate frenzy.
    There are two sides to everything.
    One sided info is often a half truth. Which is as misleading as a lie.
    Biden's democrat destroy USA and "Build Back Better" is a bad plan that Stephen Colbert is part of.
    Buying votes with your tax money is not the banana republic socialist kind of government we want if we want to be free.
    AND that is what he is doing now my friend.
    Four more years of Democrats or Biden will cost you your freedom.
    Ask New York how the open border is working out for city's in USA ?
    Foreigners should not vote for long term USA resident established citizens.
    Foreigners will decide that your money should be in their pockets,
    as Biden gives your tax money away to buy votes & runs up the national debt.

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