Andy being an actual genius for 10 minutes straight | Parks and Recreation

Andy being an actual genius for 10 minutes straight | Parks and Recreation

listen Tammy 1 was my Sunday school teacher too she can pinpoint your weaknesses and then destroy you with just one word and a jar of acid oh my God I think I have an idea that could save Ron Andy don’t joke around I have ideas too Ben Ben yeah Andy I think I might have found something that’s actually pretty cool okay we’ll just put it aside and I’ll read it later no Andy found it and he’s going to tell tell you about it right now go babe uh it’s the Redwood music program it’s an after school music class for at risk kids it’ll keep them off the street Who and the streets as you know are dangerous example I fell in a sewer great once I was there all day in conclusion we cannot let our children live in the sewer any longer Redwood music program go your honor amen it’s a great idea oh babe thank God you’re here I got so bored I started thinking about it existence do I matter do any of us is there a master plan in the works a grand design just dumb stuff like that yeah who cares I thought being a security guard would be exciting nope oh cool cryptex can I have it no no you can’t where’d you get it how do you know what a cryptex is I know what things are well lesie hid the location of our Valentine’s meeting place in here no tried every felet word that has anything to do with our third date have you tried number it’s a four-letter word add an S I really don’t think it’s that I wish I could help you bro I don’t know if I can you’re like the second smartest guy I know you should go to the first smartest guy I know okay so the clue is inside but it takes the felet code to open Andy did you try H yes why is that everyone’s first suggestion just smart people oh I guess while you get your medicine I’ll just stroll through the candy aisles but won’t get any you can buy two candies two can I help you I have the flu super nauseated for a few days a lot of barfing it’s a total disaster plus I have a ton of work to do so I need the good stuff the Mariah needs to sing tonight stuff you don’t look flushed no signs of fever that doesn’t seem like the flu it’s the flu I mean I don’t think it could be anything this counts as one libertarianism is all about individual liberty and it should never be defined by the terms liberal or conservative and communism is no good that’s right big swing in a Miss yeah and what’s the word for when a few clerics are in charge religious oligarchy holy I can remember things I guess hey keep M rare a man after my own heart oh wow that is really good Andy no I’m sorry this tastes great all my favorite foods have butter on them pancakes toast popcorn grapes butter is my favorite food hey ladies and gentlemen for the first time ever in her new part-time job in the public health department at City Hall it’s and mered of Perkins yay oh lesie this is so nice I put poisonous gas in one of these balloons so any of them pops you may die oh April we would all die gases fill the volume of whatever container they’re in school first we do the written exam and then we do the personality evaluation which I feel like I’m going to nail cuz people always say but he’s got a great personality okay quiz me okay what does it mean when an officer calls in a 3542 assault and battery the way I remember that I picture 35 assault shakers and 42 batteries great what is the criminal code for arson arson is 533 you know how I remember that I picture 533 salt shakers and batteries lighting a building on fire oh I’m nervous babe look at me you were going to pass this test and you are going to become a cop so this test will determine whether you have the right personality profile to be a police officer just to make sure the machine is working is your name Andy I don’t know how to answer that simple yes or no well everyone everyone calls me Andy but my full name is Andrew I think so no wait yes let’s move on scenario a high school-aged child asked to Hold Your Service revolver what do you do yes I give it to him when I was a kid I always wanted to hold a cop’s gun to make that dream come true for another kid well that’s what being cops all about scenario you pull a car over for speeding you find out that it’s your father how you handle the situation well first I would be like Dad you’re alive what the hell also do you know where my catcher mitt is hello chief fugleberg hey that’s your buddy Andy DW is it such a shame oh no did he fail his test it’s weird he got 100% on his written test first guy in history to do it but he failed his personality examination he’s a sweet kid just doesn’t have what it takes to be a cop oh Andy too bad he’s certainly something of a genius we could use his brains oner Force Official Police wrist lock you can’t hit me try to hit me or here no try it’s this hand wrist lock boom too much pain you can’t even hit me try to hit me if I had my gun you wouldn’t try to hit me though is the thing hey I’m just going to pop over to grain and simple to get the very best ingredients for my burger do you want to come what is grain and simple it’s a health food store ponie doesn’t have a health food store no but snarling does and it’s only a 40-minute drive what are you doing Andy I’m getting healthier snacks for the shoe shine stand Chris is a food genius did you know that the food you eat becomes energy yeah boom that’s spaghetti nachos it’s a cookie that’s my husband okay can you give me that bag I have to go change it into my Leslie’s suit you got it babe thanks Andy what this is the wrong bag what this bag is full of fruit rollups and baseball cards I don’t have my Leslie pants suit or my Leslie headband or my Leslie notes I can’t do this meeting without my Leslie stuff honey I am so sorry I guess I must have screwed up look you look amazing in this outfit plus you’re the smartest person on the planet I think you can do this just being yourself yeah so how much money is this whole pawy Commons project going to cost me uh good question 40% will be coming from our corporate partners and another 30% excuse me ma’am I didn’t ask for a math lesson so why don’t you just tell me how much it’s going to cost me and don’t use numbers look you won’t have to pay any extra money okay and don’t ever call me ma’am again thanks next question yeah I wanted to talk more about that topless Park idea that a local hero brought up yesterday yeah there’s not going to be a topless Park Harris nobody wants your creepy Stoner eyes staring at them while they’re enjoying a park okay stop being gross yeah shut me down you scare me and I got to say I kind of dig that What’s your deal she’s married to me gentlemen Wilderness weekend is upon us there will be no video games there will be no internet pads this weekend you have two parents me and mother nature and I am Mother Nature’s brother brother nature but you can call me Andy or brother nature your call thank you Andy brother nature I just need one more week and then I think sorry could you please be careful oh I am always careful we’re good if I could just get a little bit more time I could figure out how to fix this unfortunately I cannot give you any more time with due lastly I am retiring at the end of this term so I’ve been fine with you guys pushing me around on this budget thing but if you’re ever going to hold this job there’s something you need to understand city council isn’t about making everybody in town happy in fact every decision you make is going to make a lot of people very unhappy we play with live ammo around here now I’m going to close the book on this budget draft by the end of the business day so if you can find some way out of this mess by 5:00 p.m. you let me know thank you that’s fair I did it I got it out oh jeez you don’t take the ship out here you go hey Ben hi you wanted to talk to me or probably not I mean I don’t even want to talk to me no I wanted to talk to you oh I just wanted to thank you so much for your help Andy sorry we didn’t wind up choosing the after school music programs it’s just I totally get it music program would be effective but the ambulance is going to help people right now who are in trouble and probably look good in the media yeah that’s exactly right your morning tea Mr Wyatt imagine all the money you could save if you didn’t have to pay for this expensive stuff but right you can help like a zillion more Charities yeah that’s also exactly right feel like I should have thought of that well let me tell you something else that’s interesting Ben what I farted 5 minutes ago didn’t even smell it till just now that’s how tight my pants are anyhow later days dudes [Music]

Andy Dwyer is a secret genius.

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From Emmy Award-winning executive producers Greg Daniels and Michael Schur, “Parks and Recreation” is a hilarious ensemble comedy that follows Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler), a mid-level bureaucrat in the Parks and Recreation Department of Pawnee, Indiana, and her tireless efforts to make her quintessentially American town just a little bit more fun.

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