Photo-Illustration: by The Cut; Photos: Getty Images
Lisa Ann Walter likes to think of herself as America’s auntie. Many of us have developed a tender parasocial connection to the actress from watching her as Chessy in The Parent Trap and, more recently, as the no-nonsense elementary-school teacher Melissa Schemmenti on Abbott Elementary. “I feel like a lot of people have grown up with me,” Walter tells The Cut. “That gives me a unique ability to engage with people of multiple generations.” Her upcoming stand-up special, It Was an Accident, streaming from May 15 on Hulu, riffs on some of that generational crossover. She promises lots of “cranky advice,” of which she loves to offer unsolicited — whether it’s to her friends or a gay married couple fighting over if they should buy the overflowing tub of berries at Costco. “I just call it: I know what to do. So listen to me, because I’m smart and I know a lot of stuff.”
You may want to listen closely. After all, Walter is a crowned Celebrity Jeopardy! winner, taking home $1 million for the Entertainment Community Fund back in 2024. While we wait for her special, Abbott Elementary continues to be the ultimate comfort-TV show. “My favorite scenes to do are the ones where we’re all working together and making space for everybody else’s funny,” she says. You may be surprised to find out that unlike Melissa’s obsession with Real Housewives, Walter has never seen a single episode of the Bravo franchise. She prefers a juicy Dr. Pimple Popper episode or anything in the 90 Day extended universe — both of which she watches anthropologically, of course. “It is in our animal nature; it’s our biological imperative to root out the disease,” she says of the fascination with bursting pustules on television. “I have no shame about it.”
How are you feeling ahead of your upcoming stand-up special for Hulu?
If anything’s going to save us right now, it’s probably stand-up comedy. Along with some of the things that you see on the internet, people telling truths is really fricking important right now. I talk about everything that I feel like I’m going to bust if I don’t say. It’s the reason I started doing comedy in the first place in 1988. There were so few women comics at the time, and I watched Bill Cosby do a 15-minute-bit about having a baby. I’m like, Why is he doing that? It’s our experience! There should be a woman telling that story. There were such narrow rules about what women were allowed to talk about, and I’m not a good rule-follower girl. So you can get a lot of ideas out there that some people might call edgy, I just call it real, and it doesn’t upset people because it’s funny. We should do it while free speech is still a thing.
What has been your favorite story line to explore on Abbott Elementary?
I really have loved from the beginning the dynamic with Melissa and Barbara. Historically, they might have had one Barbara Howard, and everybody else would be young, because why do we care? But in this show, because it’s realistic, they have two actresses of a certain age, old broads, be best friends. Because that’s real. These people would gravitate toward each other. I love the fact that Melissa will defend Barbara with her life. She is her bestie, and that’s it. You mess with her, you mess with me. I appreciate it both as a feminist and as a person who loves comedy.
I like the opportunity that I’ve gotten to be in relationships on the show that are better than my own. On the show, Quinta’s written relationships for Melissa with men who are lovely and charming and show up for her. Melissa has a real sense of confidence about her attractiveness and allure and right to be in a relationship, probably more so than Lisa. The writing of that character has impacted me and made me feel that way. Not that I’m out there looking.
After five years on Abbott, are there any other shows you would love to drop into for an arc?
I have no problem saying Hacks. I would love to be on Shrinking or Only Murders in the Building. Or The Pitt. People have already decided that Melissa and Dana are cousins somehow, like a running feud of Philly versus Pittsburgh. I’m good friends with Carrie Preston; I’d love to be cast on Elsbeth because they write wacky guest-star roles. My goal on the next thing coming up is to do something that people haven’t seen me in. I want to do something that’s like, just hag. Crazy hag. Put me in some hag makeup.
What was your secret to winning Celebrity Jeopardy!?
The first thing that came to my mind when you said that was, I’m just smart, but honestly that’s not it. The thing that I have is a weird connection from things I’ve read or things I’ve heard. I don’t know why it gets in my brain. Maybe my brain is full and I haven’t taken on anything new in ten years. I was a voracious reader from the time I was 3 years old. My father was a geophysicist and my mother was a schoolteacher — she was the trivia queen. She would have me watching Masterpiece Theatre on PBS and the black-and-white movies of the ’30s through the ’70s, getting a real education about the world. Any time something came on talk radio she would start teaching about it, basically.
Onto our Rules to Live By questions: What’s your No. 1 rule for a successful dinner party?
Making good food, homemade with love, and making sure everybody has enough. The Sicilian nightmare is you run out of food. I’ve been to a party where they ran out of food; they made exactly enough for everybody to have one plate full but not more if you were still hungry. In Black culture, they have got it right. I remember the first time Sheryl came over with everybody in the cast, I probably made baked ziti and meatballs, which Quinta loves. And then Sheryl was leaving, she was like, “Where’s your plates?” She was gonna make a plate to take with her. And I’m like, “Oh, yeah, that’s a thing.” And so everybody took a plate with them.
What’s your No. 1 rule for raising a child?
Oh, boy, I got four. I take this very seriously. Raising babies is easy. They’re precious; they smell good because they have your DNA. The trickier part is the teenagers, when they get older. What they’re going through in the world today is not anything that I recognize. We had a different set of challenges, but it’s nothing that compares to what they’re going through. If your child, especially your boy, shows up at the doorway and starts talking about anything, put down whatever you’re doing and pay attention. Listen and engage. Either they need your help or they need to bounce something off you or they just need you to be there, because that makes them feel safe.
How do you give such good advice?
I found myself at Costco and I saw a gay married couple discussing how they couldn’t buy berries because there’s too much. I walk up on them, and I’m like, “Okay, so here’s what you do. You go over to aisle 14, you get the Ziploc bags, you stack so that you’re not trying to always get a giant bag out of the freezer.” I’ve turned into my mother walking up to random strangers and telling them what to do with their lives. I noticed that my bestie, Elaine, when I would call crying about something, she would listen. So at least when dealing with her, I mirror that back now. With everybody else, I pretty much just tell them what I think.
What’s your No. 1 rule for canceling plans?
I live in L.A., there are no rules. Just say, “I’m not gonna make it.” I’m incredibly fortunate, there are a lot of places I’m expected to be, a lot of events that they need me at, and sometimes I just make up my mind at the beginning of the week: I’m going to be in heels a lot of days, my body’s going to hurt, I’m going to be tired, and I’m going to have to take some potassium and Tums to get over the leg cramping. But listen, there’ll be a time when people aren’t inviting me to things, so I’m going to take advantage of it now and go out and enjoy my life. As my depressing Sicilian grandparents used to say, “You’re a long time in the box.”
Do you gossip?
I mean, now there’s so many TV shows that let you gossip about people that basically, that’s why they’re doing the job and they’re good with it. They want you to gossip about them. I used to watch 90 Day Fiancé with my ex. I like to say it’s a show that features transactional nookie and colonization. You can find so much crap to talk about these people who really showed up for exactly that reason. You don’t really need to goss about your neighbors.
What rules do you have in your home?
Hide the wires, close the cabinets, turn off the lights. Everything after that’s negotiable.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
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